I can’t help it, traveling makes me mean. Or, more accurately, airports make me an a**hole. I don’t know what it is, but something about flying makes me think every dirty thought in the book about humanity. “Oh, you want to recline your seat in my personal space bubble? Who do you think you are? You want me to move so you can get up? Fat chance. You think you deserve twice the amount of overhead space as everyone else? Who died and made you queen of the world? That baby better not be sitting anywhere near me… humph.” Holy subtext. If anyone hasn’t had these thoughts, you’re a better person than I am because sometimes, I feel like I’m channeling my inner Mean Girl, which means you better move out of the way.
“You Can’t Sit With Us.”
Airlines do their best to segment first class and have arguably created a system of elitist with special privileges that come along with sitting in the front of the plane. The VIP treatment starts before you even board the aircraft, with perks of private lounges, priority seating, and wining and dining that can easily go to your head, feeding into the “don’t you know who I am?” mentality. Unless of course you’re on Southwest, in which case there are no second-class citizens and it’s all kumbaya with your neighbors. That is, until they take away the orderly numbers and really make it open seating, in which case everyone will probably go all manic jungle.
“That is the Ugliest Effing Skirt I Have Ever Seen.”
Airports are one of the best places to people watch and yes, I am judging you. You’ll see everything from glammed up heels and glitterati to the folks who look like they just rolled out of bed. Word to the wise: no one ever went wrong with yoga pants. And please for the love of god, wear socks. No one wants to see your dirty feet going through security. Don’t forget, on Wednesdays, we wear pink.
“Is Butter a Carb?”
Why yes, it is Regina, but on vacation, carbs don’t count. In fact, by being active and exploring new places, you can burn those calories faster than a Calteen bar. Walking through Europe instead of taking a taxi or public transportation can easily amount to 10+ miles a day, making sure you hit the daily Fitbit mark of 20,000 steps. Plus, you’re getting cultured by splurging on local cuisine so no need to settle for those infamous cheese fries.
"That's Why Her Hair is So Big. It's Full of Secrets."
Let us let you in on a little secret: the world is full of secrets. Whether you stumble upon a great hidden gem in your own neighborhood or fly halfway around the globe to chase your dreams, secrets were meant to be shared. Whether that’s with a really great photo jazzed up with emojis or you share the experience on Facebook, social media is at the center of today’s girl world. If you didn’t check in, it didn’t happen, right?
"I'm Not Like a Regular Mom. I'm a Cool Mom."
Admit it, you were super jealous of the family that took exotic trips. By starting your kids traveling young, you instill in them a love for adventure and restlessness that comes with needing to see the world. Dealing with the hassles of planes, trains and automobiles becomes second nature if you’ve been doing it since birth.
She’s From Africa, Duh.
Traveling makes you exotic. Cady, the illustrious transfer from Africa gained popularity thanks to her mystery and intrigue. Whether you want to go full on expat or are more the casual vacationer, having stories of far-flung lands makes you a more interesting, well rounded, and dare we say, popular individual.
“Why Are You So Obsessed With Me?”
Travel is more than an obsession; it’s a documented addiction. If you’re coming down hard from your last great trip, the next best thing is obviously to start planning the next one. Just count to ten and remember not to hate everyone in the process.